It's not even September yet, so what the heck??

Less than three weeks until I'm at the Shop Til You Drop craft show in Cypress, TX. So you know what that means...

It's time to pull out the Halloween merch.

Less than three weeks and I'm pretty sure I'm way behind the getting ready curve. That's...

 Wait. Did you say Scary and Creepy? I think I dated that guy in college!

This is one of my favorites. C'mon, it's Halloween. It's funny, and...

...it's made out of a Twilight book. Get it?

Speaking of getting it, click any of these pictures to buy a book. Oh, and one last chance to get on my email list to get the inaugural issue. It'll be worth your while. Promise. 

If Kids Are Going Back To School, It Must Be Halloween!

It's the beginning of August and you know what that means? It's time for Halloween!

Wait, I know that we still haven't made it through the first day of school, Labor Day, the first day of fall, or Columbus Day,

...but hey, I went to Michael's last week and I'm telling you, Halloween is here!

Lucky for you, these Halloween books are available right now in the Etsy shop.

Hurry! Only a few days until Thanksgiving!

April Showers Bring May Flowers and October Showers Bring Cheeseball Bats

Don't you hate bloggers who make excuses for being so tardy between posts?

Don't be a hater. All of my excuses are excellent.

It's not that I haven't been folding. In fact the opposite is true. In the last few weeks it has been non-stop. Twenty-six orders and I'm only about half way through the list! I've had to put some people on a wait list just in case I find time to do a few more before the holidays.

And I'd love to show you some pictures, but most of them are Christmas presents and I don't want to spoil any surprises. (Wait until January--pictures galore!)

But before October is over, I want to show you a Halloween project.

Wait, what? It's mid-November already? DANG! I should be folding.
But here's a quick look at my Halloween project instead.

You all remember, Barb, right? That's her on the right. And that's her best friend, Sharon on the left. When I moved into my neighborhood 18 years ago, Sharon and Barb were the first two people I met.



The adorable baby is Barb's granddaughter, but Sharon is holding her because she's practicing to be a grandmother, too. And she doesn't have long to practice because her daughter, Kelli, is due in only a couple of months.

And new babies call for showers, so Barb,her daughter Mandi, and I threw one for Kelli.

Let me give you a piece of advice. If you ever have a party thrown for you, make sure Barb is in charge. Remember how I told you that Barb is the reason God invented Pinterest? Well, here is more proof. Check out this spread--and don't miss the homemade diaper cake in the middle.

a

Those little glass ramekins near the cake pops were full of cinnamon apples with this struesel to die for. Holy cow they were good!

And on the other end of the table was this big bowl of candied popcorn that Mandi made. When I die, someone be sure to tell Mandi to fill my casket full of this before they lower me in the ground and I promise never to leave and haunt anyone.

Here were my contributions. First up goblin guts, Fritos, and monster eyeballs. Also known as Texas caviar and meatballs.

 

And cheeseball bats. (Barb is not the only one with a Pinterest account.)

Here is the crowd enjoying all the goodies.

And speaking of goodies, here's the pretty mom-to-be opening her presents.

As I've mentioned before, despite appearances to the contrary, this is not a cooking blog. So here was the contribution from Reading With Scissors--sparkly pillow box owl party favors...

with dictionary page eyes...

 ...and candy corn and white chocolate M&M filler (not pictured because they went from my hand to my face too fast).

I wish I could say that I am crafty enough to have designed these myself. I am not. But I am smart enough to buy the pattern for my Silhouette machine and let it do all the work--which leaves me more time for consuming the filler. And folding.

Yikes! What time is it? A week until Thanksgiving?? Got to get back to folding.

The Upside and a Book

Did you know my son, Brian Pounds, was on The Voice this season? Of course you did. I've told everyone I know and even a lot people I don't know.

 

I am so, so proud of Brian. He's worked very hard for this. But I'm also proud of myself. Why? Because this whole process has been going on for about a year, and I've kept the secret that long! I know, right?

But now I'm willing to spill the beans. Ok, not all the beans. I'm still under a $5 million confidentiality agreement, but maybe just a couple of beans won't matter. Especially when they're pretty funny.

So here goes.

It was the day of the battle rounds. I had flown in to LA the day before and hadn't slept that much, so I was up early to get dressed. I was wearing this brand new turquoise top I bought at Soft Surroundings and a pair of white sailor pants. You know--the kind with a flap in the front with a column of buttons on both sides? I hadn't worn them in a long time, but I remember thinking the last time I wore them how comfortable they were, and this day I had enough on my mind that I wanted to be comfortable. (Note: Clothes matter in this story so pay attention.) 

We arrived at the studio and we had a bit of a wait while all the contestants got in makeup and costume. I spent that time getting to know Stephanie Anne Johnson's grandma and dad. You may remember seeing them on TV during the blind auditions. What sweet, sweet people! We chit-chatted about family and our kids but I know I spent a lot of time chit-chatting about Captain America and Miss C (aka the future Mrs Brian Pounds) because neither one of  them was there at the moment. 

The night before poor Miss C had pulled an all-night shift at the hospital where she works as a nurse, and Captain America had arrived in Houston from a five-day trip. Both of them were in the air that morning frantically trying to make it to LA before Brian faced the judges.

Captain America landed in LA first, but he had to wait for Miss C's plane to arrive because they were sharing a van to the studio. Miss C texted me that she had made it as far as Dallas, but her plane was an hour late. She was pretty sure she wasn't going to make it to LA on time, but she was going to try anyway.

And so with my stomach in knots already, I just tied another one in there and kept my fingers crossed that they would get to the studio in time. I kept calling Captain America to find out if his situation had changed. I was talking to the producers to see if anything could be done. I was checking FlightTracker about every 3 minutes to see how much closer Miss C's plane was.

And just about the time Captain America called me to say that Miss C had landed, I heard them call my name for the van to go to the set. I knew it was going to be close. Very, very close.

Stephanie Anne's folks and I boarded the van, drove over to the set, and they led us to the green room. It really wasn't green, though. It was just a small area divided by thick black curtains from the rest of backstage with about 12 folding chairs for anxious families to wait their turn. One by one they would lead the families out, and we could hear cheering, and the band playing, and then more cheering and sometimes even more cheering. And as I knew my turn was coming closer and closer, I kept texting Captain America and Miss C to find out how close they were. And Stephanie Anne's Nana and dad kept encouraging me with smiles, assuring me that surely they would make it. 

As I sat there I would have one cold tingle run down my spine as I worried whether Captain America and Miss C would get there on time, and then I'd have another as I realized in just a few minutes Brian would be on national TV singing in front of an arena full of screaming fans. And another as I realized I was going to have to walk into that same arena. And then I would wonder if Captain America and Miss C would get there in time, and the cold tingle circle would start again.  

Then the producer pulled back the curtain and said, "Brian Pounds family?"

I stood up, gulped, gave a weak smile to Stephanie Anne's family, and immediately started doubting my fashion choices for the day. It wasn't the turquoise shirt from Soft Surroundings or the white sailor pants from deep in my closet. It was my shoes. I was wearing high heels. 

For the record, I am not one of those women who can rock high heels. I am a flats kind-of girl. In fact, I work from home, so most of my life I am barefoot. To be sure, each Sunday I put on heels and head for church, hoping that God recognizes that the effort it takes for me to stay upright is a sign of my true devotion. But Sunday or no, every time I wear heels, I feel like I've strapped on a pair of mile-high stilts. Add to that I've got lousy knees, and you see why I'm doubly dangerous.

When I put on my heels that morning, I thought that they would make me look a little more like a fashionista (Stop laughing! Right now! Every last one of you!), but I had grossly underestimated how wobbly my knees would be walking into that arena. I took a few steps toward the producer, and then a few more, and slowly made it to the other side of the curtain.

"This way," she said and pointed to a set of stairs. Yep. Stairs. 

I don't even do stairs well in flats.

I stepped up and I made one riser and then another and eventually I was on the landing. I turned a corner, raised my eyes to look through the tunnel to the arena of screaming fans, and stopped. I was standing on glass--or something that looks very much like it.

Check out this guy walking through the same tunnel. See what I mean?!? 

At this point I've got serious visions of Stephanie Pounds starring in Bambi on Ice. I took one step, wishing that I had one of those long poles that the Flying Wallendas use. I took another step, and I gained a little confidence, and I was beginning to believe that maybe I could actually make it.

And right at that point. Right then, TWO BUTTONS DECIDED TO POP OFF MY PANTS!

I kid you not.

One of them was captured by the turquoise blouse from Soft Surroundings, but the other skittered across the glass floor. In a rush of adrenaline and stupid luck, I raced after it, scooped down to pick it up, and stood up straight. I was still upright.

So now with my elbows plastered to my waistline and my hands out for balance, I shuffled into the first row of fans and took my seat.

The producer smiled at me, oblivious to the drama that had taken place behind her on the glass, and asked, "It's just you, right?"

I looked around to see if by any chance Miss C and Captain America were running through the tunnel, but there was no sign of them.

"Yes, it's just me."

"Ok, this is Sam. He's going to be the camera man shooting you through the performance."

I looked over and smiled at Sam and his camera, which was about 2" from my nose.

I exaggerate.

It was about 4" from my nose.

"Hi," Sam said, "I'm just going to spend a minute here getting the lighting and focus right. I'm going to be right here and have this camera on you the entire time."

Great.

"Now when your singer comes out...what's his name?"

"His name is Brian Pounds," I said, and I turned my head to the crowd behind me. "We're yelling for Brian!"

"Ok, so when Brian comes out we need lots of energy."

"Are we going to have to stand up?" I asked.

"Oh yes. Stand up for sure!"

Right then, just for a moment I thought to myself, 'Self, you are about to drop your drawers in front of several million people.' Then I looked beyond Sam and smiled, 'But Self, Adam Levine is sitting right in front of you, so maybe it won't be such a bad deal after all........No, no, no, no, no! It will be a bad deal. A very bad deal.'

The producer yelled, "I need you guys right there to fill in here on the front row," pointing at some kids in the row behind.

Three or four people jumped up and filed into the first row. The pretty little girl who ended up sitting right next to me smiled and asked, "Are you excited?"

"Of course!" I said, "And I've got a secret I'm only going to tell you. I just popped two buttons off my pants on my way out here. If I stand up and my pants fall to the floor, your job is to pick 'em back up for me. Got it?"

She gave me this puzzled look for just a second, and then burst out in laughter. "Yeah, got it!"

Then I heard Carson Daley say "....Brian Pounds." I jumped up, my elbows still plastered to my waistline trying to keep my pants aloft, all the while clapping and screaming like crazy. Think a trained seal at Sea World ork-orking for food and you've pretty much got the picture. And all the while the girl next to me kept doing double-takes to make sure I was still fully clothed. We sat down and a few seconds later the band started playing and the entire place--sans me--rose in one giant swoop.

I tried to show as much energy as I could in a seated position. I bopped my head, and I clapped and screamed. It was all so exciting--even from my chair--and before I knew it, it was all over and they were shuffling me out. I had made it backstage with all my parts still properly covered.

The producer led me around a corner and there were Captain America and Miss C just coming in the door of the set. They had missed it by about 2 minutes.

Of course at that moment I wished that Brian had won his battle, and I also wished that Captain America and Miss C had been 10 minutes earlier, but I was so proud and I'm still so excited. So much good stuff is happening for him right now. The upside is, he'll be known for his music and not for being the guy whose mom lost her pants during that one episode on The Voice. This is a good thing. Trust me.

But wait, you say. This is supposed to be a blog about books.

Oh, yeah. You're right.

So here is a skeleton that I made just in time for Halloween.

In Which I Save the Universe One Folded Book at a Time

It's 102 degrees Fahrenheit in Houston which means, of course, that it's almost autumn. Ugh! It is so freeeeeeeking hot outside. What is there to do but look forward to cooler days, right? Halloween has to be just around the corner.

Which makes me want to look back. To this picture.  

Now you might think that this is one of the most awesome Princess Leia costumes ever and you're right, it could have been. Except this picture was taken in 1972...and Star Wars didn't come out until 1977. Which means that, you got it, this is no Halloween costume. This was me dressed up for my piano recital. (Don't judge...and don't tell Captain America this picture exists either.)

But I say we go with it. I was the first one in the world with a Princess Leia Halloween costume and if Antiques Roadshow ever asks, we're all sticking with this story. Got it?

So speaking of Halloween, I've been busy getting Halloween books ready for my big fall craft show coming up in a couple of months. You, however, don't need to wait because you (yeah, I'm talking to you) can grab some of these nifty books now on Etsy.

There are some old favorites from last season like the Scary book...

Buy me on Etsy!

 ...and...who could forget...the spider?!?

Buy me on Etsy!

There's even a new version of

that would look really boo-tiful on a bookshelf

Buy me on Etsy!

And for that matter a new version of

Check out that ominous endpaper! It sparkles!

Buy me on Etsy!

And speaking of sparkling, the purple, glittery trees on these creepy endpapers shine!

This is the perfect gift when you don't know what to buy...

Buy me on Etsy!

...your creepy friend who wears a big, brown bun right above each ear. She'll get the idea.

The Spider's Tale

This is a true story and an old story. Those of you who are my Facebook friends, which I'm guessing is probably everyone reading this except the Russian spammers who pump up my page view count every day, may have read it already. It took place two years ago, but in the spirit of a really good Dateline episode, it has been re-enacted and now has pictures! Enjoy! --S.P. Sep 2012

 

The other night I pulled into the garage and started to be-bop into my house when I happened to look down and see a HUGE spider between me and my back door.

 

I jumped back toward my car. The spider was big, black, as big as a cotton ball---and it wasn’t moving.

My first thought was to call for Captain America. Wasn’t it he who promised 26 years ago to love, honor, obey, take out the trash, and kill spiders and bugs? But as usual when the trash was full or giant arachnids stood in my way, he was at 35,000 feet.

OK, I thought, I’ll step on it. I looked down at my shoes. I was wearing very flimsy sandals. I started to imagine drawing close to the spider and having it jump up onto my shoe and then up my leg. I let out a slight scream at the thought. No, stepping on it wouldn’t work. I needed something bigger.

I know, I thought. I’ll run over it with my car. I LOVE my Prius and it loves me back. It reads out directions when I’m trying to find my way, it shows me what’s behind me when I back up, it won’t let me lock the keys in the car, it gets 48 miles per gallon. Now, I thought, it will come to my rescue and kill the giant spider that won’t let me in my house.

I jumped back into the Prius and started it up. I backed it up just a couple of feet, cranked the steering as far to the right as I could and then creeped forward. I pumped the brakes as I tried to get as close to the garage cabinets as I could without hitting them. Surely that spider is just an oily spot on the garage floor, I thought, as I backed the car up again, turned it off, and got out.

The spider, completely intact, looked back at me from the same place I left it. It hadn’t budged an inch.

Dang it!

Now I started to panic, because I was pretty sure I hadn’t put a key to the new house in my purse yet and the only way into the house was being guarded by that big, hairy spider.

I looked around for another weapon. On the other side of the garage I spotted a broom that the last owners had left. I grabbed it and turned back to the spider, who still hadn’t moved. I stood there for a minute to gather my courage and then jabbed at the spider with the broom. The spider jumped, finally aware that I had no good intentions toward it, and hunched down like a Duke guard in a full court press.

I took another deep breath, my heart pumping so hard my shirt was moving. I brought the broom back behind my head like a 7 iron, and with a great scream of “Get out of my garage!!”, I swung it down.

It was a direct hit and the spider went tumbling across the floor toward the garage door—SPEWING A MILLION SPIDER BABIES AS IT WENT!!!!!


The floor was swarming with the Mama spider and her progeny as I stood there in my very flimsy sandals.

I went completely ballistic, frantically sweeping at the babies who crawled into every nook and cranny of the garage and swatting at their mother, who spewed out another million spider babies every time I hit her.



I screamed at the top of my lungs, “How dare you get in my garage! Get out of my garage! Don’t you go behind that box! Get out of my garage!” all the time swinging the broom like a cross between a whirling dervish and Dick Van Dyke singing “Chim Chim Cheree” in Mary Poppins.

The baby spiders continued to elude,



but I finally swept Mama spider outside the garage door. I was so full of adrenaline and vengeance that I turned the broom flat and pounded her to a pulp, screaming at each smash, “Don’t…you…ever…come…into…my …garage…again!”

 

 

I turned back around to face the baby spiders, and while many of them still scurried here and there,



 most of them had crawled back into the deep dark recesses of the garage, biding their time until they come out to avenge the awful circumstances of their birth and the terrible thing I did to their mother. 

 

 

  

A special thanks to #1 son and his bride for their help with photography and props to make this re-enactment possible.

 

In Memoriam: Mama Spider 2010-2010 

 

Scary Boo Boos

You learn from your mistakes, right? Well, I ought to be really smart by now. Here are some of my latest screw-ups and what I learned, or as I like to think of it, the good twin/bad twin post.

Case in point, the first bad twin.

It's getting close to Halloween and I decided I wanted to make a jack-o-lantern, so I found a cute stencil online, made myself a pattern, started folding and ended up with...... this hot mess.

Egad! Not at all what I was expecting. My cute little jack-o-lantern turned out like something from Friday the 13th only with a couple more teeth.

Hmmm...maybe, I thought, it would look more like a cute jack-o-lantern if I folded all the "non-face" parts away.

Well, that didn't work. What if I folded the extra pages into a circle of points instead, sorta like the outline of a pumpkin around the face?

Yikes, no! 

and so now he sits on a shelf in my attic looking something like this--Reader's Digest meets Frankenstein's monster meets the Lion King. (If someone makes that into a real movie, I call dibs on the royalties!)

I would feel sorry for him, if he weren't so darn...

I regrouped. Folding books, I told myself, is sorta like making an ice sculpture. You just chip/fold away the parts that don't look like your subject.

Aha! I suddenly realized that I had made the pumpkin face backward. It was as if I cut away all the pumpkin and just left orange where the eyes, nose and mouth were supposed to be. So I tried it again, only backwards this time, and got the good twin.

Now that's a little better. Next time I think I'll add a stem and then he'll be just about perfect.

And now... Bad twin #2 starring in I've got a case of the boos.

I decided that I hadn't made a word with really big letters in awhile, so I decided to go with Boo! I picked a font and started folding and got all the way to the end...

and the exclamation point was way to skinny to be seen, so I just tore it out. Now it's just Boo. I added ravens to the end papers to make it more scary because no one is going to be startled by just Boo. The bogeyman could come out from under the bed and say Boo Boo Boo as many time as he wanted and we would all just laugh, because we know exclamation points are important!!!!

Maybe I should just redo it with Mardi Gras paper for all my Louisiana friends.

"I love you, boo."

"I love you, too, boo."

But good twin to the rescue. I folded another and this time made the exclamation point nice and big and it turned out like this:

Scared you, didn't I! 

And then for good measure I picked a smaller, different font and did it again.

Sorry! I hope your heart can handle all this terror! (Oops, I just said terror on the Internet. Now I'm probably on the no-fly list.)

I can't decide which one is my favorite. The big letters are much deeper and you can see the dark text inside them which goes well with the glittery, black witches of the end papers. I think they give this Boo! a really ominous feeling, perfect for Halloween.

The smaller letters aren't folded as deep, so this Boo! has a much lighter, "five-year-olds trick-or-treating" vibe going on. 

So which one do you like best, boo?

#1                           or                         #2